Breathing...

Its hard to give someone advice when they are nothing like you...
And the way I am I see as the norm
I sometimes don't realize that I am a special, maybe unique case

To be able to put yourself in someone else's shoes and understand how they feel is a give that not everyone has
How can I give advice to someone who can't do that?
That can see where the other person is coming from?
Who hasn't seen enough hell to realize what an impact is makes?

I mean it took two years, more even for others to understand what I went through how could I expect them to understand someone else now?

Fact be, everyone doesn't want to take the blame themselves and admit that they are to blame
Its just easier to say "its not my fault" "how could they say that" "I did nothing wrong"
I see fault on both sides of the line
It takes two to tango
It takes two to fight
I don't think many people can be part of a verbal fight and say they did nothing wrong
The only time its different is when one or more of the people in the fight have a mental disorder of some kind
Then it just not fair to blame them

What I've been trying to say is I don't think I'm the best person to give advice here
This time

I do have something to dedicate to the ones that are having problems right now

"Supposing we got older, supposing we began, supposing I stop running, could begin again"

Down...

I hit a low point today

Somehow managed to experienced enough psychological trauma to put my body through shock
Strange how relieving the same even could be so painful
No wonder I broke

Now I have to push through all these old feelings of abandonment and worthlessness and try and come out strong again
I'll be honest, I won't be able to go through this again without breaking

But I'll pick myself up and keep walking forward

Demons...

I think things are getting too much for me to handle again...
Things may seem okay, only because I lie so well I fool myself
But in actual fact I'm retreating...
Running away... Some place safe in my mind...

I've been having a number of conversations with myself
So many thoughts I think I overwhelm myself
But now I'm having trouble decided what really happened
Or what I imagined...

I'm just lucky my body can't lie as well as I can...

And things I would have noticed I didn't...

Worrying...

The pressure to please everyone is getting to me
As much as I like to say I don't give a fuck sometimes I do
And I'm so frustrated...

I really shouldn't have days of emoing...
Makes me a fucking ray of sunshine...

Maybe I'll post something happier later
Or explain my day of emoing
But for now I can't really care