All The Things She Said

Today was a very interesting day...

First test, just as stupid as the subject...

Second test... Well at least I got my mark up by 20% that's something...

Today, Michelle decided "we needed to talk"...
My mom told me she's been pushing for this talk for a while, but my mom merely said "now is not the time".
So I looked the child right in the eye and asked her, is she sure she wants to do this, I'm going to have an opinion and something to say about it, if she's not okay to hear these things then maybe we should leave it for now.
Apparently she was fine...
And so our exactly 40 minute long talk started...
I was told not to argue with her... I didn't
I was told we had to accept something was wrong... I did...
Don't raise your voice... Blah blah blah...

Something in me clicked... I went into psychologist mode...
Maybe it was something she said, I don't know...
But there's one thing that is true in any situation, you can't argue with facts... And I have personal experience to make things better... I was armed with everything I needed to make a point and boy did I make that point.

I told her everything that happens has to do with a choice.
You have the choice whether you do something or not.
You are using your problems as an excuse, using it as a crutch.

These where things she didn't want to hear...
I have no idea what she was expecting to gain out of this chat, but it was definitely not what she got.
And she knows I'm watching her now so things are bound to become very interesting.

My mom and I predict that tomorrow morning will be fine, and then round afternoon time its suddenly going to become a "bad day".
Well... We'll see.

I think I found a place to belong for the moment.
I clicked with a new writer recently... It may not be the same as the last one, and I miss it dearly, but it'll do for now.
Its a start and better than nothing and I can accept that.
Maybe I can turn it into something close to watch I previously had if I'm lucky...

Speaking of what I previously had, maybe I should put more effort in?
I always waited for her to message me... Maybe I should message her for a change...
Yeah, I think I'll do that...
I don't want to loose what we had...
I really miss it dearly and need to keep it going, for my sake.

Pieces of Me

I have a lot on my mind at the moment.
So much that I actually can't think straight until I get things in the right order.
It's stupid what's on my mind but it's still there, even though it is stupid.

I feel very forgotten about these days...
And I know it's sounds stupid but I started relying a lot on some people.
They helped me through a lot of the problems I've been having, just by saying hi to me on a daily basis.
Then, one day, everything just changed...
Suddenly I didn't matter anymore...
I became boring or something...
The one person I thought cared obviously didn't...
Though I can't blame this on her... I was putting a lot of pressure on her even if she didn't notice.
I needed her more than I thought I did.
And she didn't need me at all...

My heart broke into a thousand pieces...

I understand that what we shared wasn't real, not even a little, but it's the closest thing I've had to someone really caring about me because they wanted to.
I might just be being over sensitive, the whole ordeal not being real and all, but it was real enough for it to make a difference to me... To mean something to me...

And too many things are happening all at once, its a little difficult to take it all in at once...

I realized for the first time today that I actually have a real life friend again...
Its been a long time since I've had more than just someone I spoke about and "called" my friend...
And to be completely honest... I don't know how to react to this.
I get all excited and everything when I get a message and then think "I actually get to see this person in a few minutes..." I never thought I'd go through this experience again in my life...
I was content with this idea...
I was okay with what I have...

So here I sit... No answers in sight...